He walked past a barroom. Barrooms used to be a place where he could find escape and solace; not so much for the wine and beer, rather it offered the chatter of the living and the lively, even if the reality of the situation might in fact be different. And the lighting was always to his liking, dark woods and plenty of shadow where yellow light ate up the spaces in-between the solid and the ethereal: the atmosphere which gave no care to daylight and what it might want. Here was where the nighttime kept its vigil, no matter the time of day.
That was all before a greater darkness found a way inside his already lost soul, darkness so deep and penetrating that silence would be a resounding clamor of unbearable screaming in comparison. It would be easy to blame it on a world gone mad with its insatiable greed, gluttonous consumption, immeasurable waste, venomous hate, and its blind devotion to an absurd self diagnosis on the value of self. It might be easier still to assess no blame, but to allow that what had unfolded must unfold. It was the nature of things.
The pain in the right hand had all but dissipated. Ice did that to pain. One would expect that warmth would be best, as warmth was what the soul best fed on. Maybe the body craved cold in derision of what the soul might want. A smile spread across his face. This was as close as he would ever come to being a philosopher. He shook his hand and moved the fingers. Good enough for what he needed to do.
He passed another barroom and turned down a dimly lit street towards the docks. He could smell the smoke and stale beer from this one; this bar did not follow the rules. What he was looking for did not follow the rules. It would appear he was in the right place.
Retribution would not change what he had left behind. There was no going back to that place: green eyes, as emerald green as a southern ocean, with a smile that … that would be no more. His fault in her death was what had claimed the last piece of him. No matter that all of his planning, all of his ability, all of his cunning, all of his efforts would not have changed the outcome. And that alone lay all the blame upon him.
He would join her if the gods had not blocked such a reasonable and doable escape. More than join her he would have made a grand exit and let the world see what retribution should really look like. He would have given them a display to equal the burial of Pompeii, and then end himself.
It was years before he even knew they had a daughter, a daughter who did not know about him. That didn’t matter. The dark past that had so engulfed him and the woman he had loved so dearly now came to seek the last link of the two of them. He could not let that happen.
No lights now. No sounds. A pale moon rising above the hills on the other side of the harbor gave all the light he needed. He found a place to sit where the devil himself would not be able to find him, and there he waited. Minutes turned to hours, and midnight had him stand and shake off the stillness. The lights appeared. He knew who she was: the Star Sampler. Four decks high, four captains who would sail her round the clock. She wouldn’t dock here. He knew that. She would sit at a pier full of light where men and women would scurry to serve who sat below deck.
He boarded the small dingy and started the motor, an almost silent motor. He hit the shadow aft of the huge vessel, and was onboard even before she cut her engines and commenced sliding into the dock.
What happened next was planned and carried out to precision. He slipped back into his dingy and pulled back into the shadows even before any alarm was sounded. The six of them where here for a meeting on how to best find and capture his daughter. Her skills had been touted over every media facility. A girl with special ability. A girl that would change the world for the better.
He knew better. She was no longer available for appearances. The six who came to plan how they would claim her would miss their first meeting. The one who had ordained the meeting was next, but that needed a different outcome. He shook his hand. It appeared he still needed more ice: perhaps the bar with the stale beer and smoke.